" Hi Just dropping in, to let everyone know I am still doing my blog just taking some time off to do some things I need to do for myself and relax a bit. Been doing a lot of soul searching within myself these last few months since I became a single women again, trying to figure out what happen with my last lover as to not repeat it again with my next..
And what I have found out as a women is that we tend to over look a lot of things men do or make excuse, so as we don't have to be alone. I know a lot of you may say ...Oh I would never do something like that, because I like who I am more then I like the man I'm dating. Not true I feel then you have not met that one man that can make you do or say things that you look back on and say...Where the hell was my head and what was I thinking ????
Think about it and be honest is what I found I had to do, because I looked back and thought? How did I let myself get to this point in my life? Well it didn't happen over night it was a slow process over time that happen so slow that I didn't even see myself changing till I was in over my head and didn't like who I had become...But then came the next phase in this strange thing I did to myself in the name of love!! I thought I could stop it and change back and no one would know or get hurt! WRONG!!
Don't work like that...Wish it did, but it don't. Because then all the fighting starts because your mate likes usually who you've become even if you don't! Then that's when it happens you suddenly figure it out, you were so busy trying to show the man you are with that you love then and want to be a part of their life you become them, over-night it seems like and you didn't even see it till you step back! Then by that time it has become to late ...Least it was for me, the stakes just kept getting higher the move I tried to change back to who I was the move we fought and he wanted me to change more to the things he liked and wanted, and I was confused because I didn't want to lose him but I didn't want to lose who I was also.
So That day we all wish we never had to have happened, and I and my lover parted ways..I was sad, cried licked my wounds and felt sorry for myself. But I had no one to blame but me, because I allowed it to get to the point it did and I gave control of me away to someone else all in the name of love. Which is not really love if you think about it, because I should of and have now learned you need to love yourself first and never let go of it. Then only with this part of your life in control then you will be able to let someone else in to love them too!!
Any way I have done a lot of looking at myself and learning to take better control of who I am and what I want in life, and I need to keep reminding myself I come before anyone else does always, and never ever ! Feel I should put my feelings on the back burner, for anyone or any man, unless I am wanting to be where I was a few months ago again.
I'm ready now I think to start looking to date again, but being very careful and picky about who I go out with because I need to take care of me first. And let those I date know, that I come before we always if they choose to date me!!
